On yet another day spent looking to entertain the kids, my best friend, her husband and her 3 and 6 year old daughters and my little family decided to spend a Sunday together. We headed out to South Street Seaport and ate at Cowgirl Sea-Horse, a place very kid friendly with a delicious menu that includes some organic dishes. It was also a place that really understands and gets to the heart of things, because an absolutely delicious Bloody Mary was the first thing they offered to all the grown ups! It was a day that I declared drinking on a Sunday morning to be good and all things wonderful! It was also a day I silently wondered, "Why can't I start every morning like this?"
Everyone ate well and some of us, okay, two of us...okay, maybe just me...was pleasantly tipsy by the end of brunch. Of course, the agenda of the day was not for me to get drunk (although, I, at that point, could have been happy ending the day right then and there) but we were out for the kids. I had read some great reviews of the new playground that just opened up across from the Seaport and wanted to check it out.
It was the second weekend of opening and by far, it's been probably the best playground I've ever been to. I'm not sure how long the cleanliness of it will last, a feature which always drops a playground far, far, down on my list no matter how awesome it is. But the nicest thing about it, was the layered deck with large umbrellas that surrounded a small water play area. For us grown-ups and a drunk me, we were quite happy to plop ourselves down on the deck, lean back and feel safe semi-supervising the kids in this gated area. The only feature missing that would've made this the "awesomest" playground evah! was a waiter taking martini orders. But, sadly, you can't have it all....
As amazing as this playground seemed, it didn't lack the one thing all playgrounds have in common: one very annoying/out of control child. And that day, that role was played by a little 5-6 year old, in her bathing suit, screeching every chance she got and grabbing every one of the huge foam blocks and any other available play material in sight. However, the real red flag was her haircut. The moment we entered the area, she was the first child anyone would notice as a parent does a "sweep over" or assesses the area. The kid had a very unique bob haircut. At first, I thought, "ohhh, that's interesting, I guess sort of cute." However, once my eyes did another sweep over to check out the grown-ups in the area, I was immediately able to identify the girl's mom because she was sportin' the exact same haircut, to which my next immediate thought was, "Oh. Ohhh. Oh, not good..." Sorry, but I am one of those people who find matching mother/daughter haircuts to be SO NOT ADORABLE and COMPLETELY REPULSIVE. Someone going as far as to get matching haircuts with their 5 year old is looking for people to comment on how cute they look. If you're not that great looking and you're child is an annoying little shit, pardon my French, trying to garner everyone's attention should be the complete opposite of what you're looking for. But that's just my 2 cents...
And so like any social dynamic, all the little ones avoided the screeching, possessive little girl with the strange bob haircut as much as possible. And if she grabbed one of their toys like a ravenous snake the moment they temporarily dropped it to pick their nose, pull up their pants or just stop to look at the shiny thing on their toe, they all knew not to make a big deal of it, avoid eye contact and walk away, feeling a sense of loss and dejection until a next worthy toy made itself available. Every child knew the unspoken rule here....every child, of course, except my child.
Chalk, being a hot commodity in the playground, was being held on tightly by Julia and her two little gal pals. They all avoided the little girl, opted to stay away from the water where she was playing and decided to draw on the walls. At some point, Julia, being the highly distractable 2 year old, went over to the edge of the water area and threw her chalk down to look at some shiny/funny/interesting thing across the way. Within a second of that chalk being dropped, annoying girl literally snatched it up and continued with her play as if nothing happened. Julia, then proceeds to flip.the.fuck.out. Her head turned as she panned the area for us grown-ups, stopped abruptly in our direction, stared at us wildly and began screaming at the top of her lungs, "SHE TOOOOOOOK MY CHAAAAAAAAAALK!" We all, kind of snickered, said something to the effect of "Well, you shouldn't have thrown your chalk down" and continued to sit there commenting on how wonderful it would be if someone would serve us drinks right now. Now before you think we're mean parents, Carl and I have always felt that Julia needed to stand up for herself more as she is constantly being bullied by someone, even by my nephew who is two sizes smaller than her! And we also felt that she needed to take care and pay attention to the things that she wants in life, even if that includes minuscule things like a piece of chalk.
But instead of walking away defeated, like the rest of the children, our Julia did something very surprising: she called for back up. Realizing that us parents were trying to teach her yet another life lesson, she huffed a sigh of displeasure and dissatisfaction with her grown-ups and tromped off towards her gal pals. As soon as she reached hearing distance to them, she screamed again, "SHE TOOOOOK MYYYYYYYYYY CHAAAAAAAAAALK!!". When her friends turned around, Julia vehemently thrusted her arm out and pointed to annoying girl. There she is! THAT ONE! The annoying one waving the chalk around without a clue. Julia could not have identified this girl more clearly with her silent point and stare. And, this of course, made all four of us stop our chatter and watch in awe at this new turn of events. Annoying girl's mom seemed to sit up a little straighter and looked somewhat confused and unsure of what to do.
My best friend's kids walked up to Julia and they all seemed to confer with each other a bit as each child took a moment to pick their head up and take several glances towards annoying girl. "Oh my God" I said to everyone "What the hell is going on?" Soon, my best friend's daughters began slowly walking towards the annoying girl, on opposite sides, as my Julia stood there, no longer distressed but watching them very carefully as if she paid good money for a service to be provided.
"Oh my god! Julia called for backup!" I excitedly said. "They're going to gang up on annoying girl!"
We all watched fascinated, particularly since three of us are educators,since this was definitely interesting child-social development at play here...and plus, holy crap! my friend's kids were gonna beat her up!
Carl, getting in touch with his guido roots, began providing dialogue.
"Yo, dichoo jass take dis guurl's chawk?! Answer dah qweschoon, dichoo take dis guurl's chawk?"
The two girls continued to approach her and circle her, eyes completely glued onto annoying girl.
"Oh my god, they're circling her!"
"Why donchoo jass puh-down dat chawk!? Do what I say, and jass puh-down dat chawk and no ones gonna get hurt."
"Carl, would you cut it out?"
It's hard to say how much we all would've liked to have let it played out but annoying girl's mom began frantically looking back and forth between us, my best friend's daughters who were now in prance mode and her daughter, who now looked like a cherub, innocently building with her blocks whilst gripping tightly onto the green chalk in question. As the girls simultaneously took a step towards the girl, all four of us shouted a sharp "GIRLS!" and blinking, they stepped out of their lioness stances and looked toward us like sweet children. Julia, finally tore her eyes away and looked too.
"I have another piece of chalk!", I said, shrilly.
"Oh!" Julia said, gleefully.
And peace was restored.
Well somewhat, not long after watching her daughter unwittingly become the potential target for a beatdown by my best friend's kids as my daughter smugly looked on, she declared that play time was over and had to forcefully pick up her screaming child out of the playground; a common occurrence in every playground of which I am much too familiar with. We all looked at each other somewhat embarrassed for her and for ourselves for not stopping the kids sooner but ultimately conceded that that was really cool in a not so appropriate way.
"Did you see that?!"
"They were totally set on getting that chalk back!"
"Julia was like - yeah, these are my bitches!"
"Holy crap! They were, like, about to pounce!"
"This was totally Sopranos!"
"Did you notice mom has the same haircut as the kid?"
"yeah, Ewww..."
