On how it feels to have your boobs "owned"

It's strange.

For many young women, when a boy lustfully gazed at her breasts and groped them like he "owned" them, we probably thought "Yes, you can have them now but I still control how and when you get to see them". When I got married, I still continued to think like that. Then I had a baby and entered the world of breastfeeding. As someone who does have an "over controlling, I am woman hear me roar" streak to them, giving up my breasts was not an easy thing for me. I already had to take 9 months to get used to the fact that I had to share my body but even in the aftermath of that, I was and am still struggling with the fact that I still don't have complete control of my body yet. Worse still, is the constant knowledge that Julia thinks my boobs are hers and hers only. She will at any given moment attempt to expose my breasts whenever she wants to quench her thirst. She'll grab, grope, nag, and cry hoping to gain access to her most prized possession - not too differently from many men in my life in the past and present. Until recently, there's been many a night I have awoken to find my shirt at my armpits, and her attached to me nursing away blissfully.

Nowadays, Julia has been successfully weaned to once a day, right before bedtime (typically the hardest time to give up). Usually, I sit her on the bed to wait for me as I change into my pajamas. The moment she sees my breasts she screams out "Ni Ni!" which is "milk" in Chinese. She squeals in delight, clasps her hands together at her chest and cries out "Yay!" And despite how much I hate to feel "owned" in any way, I still manage to break a smile and relish one of the last types of bonding moments I will have with her as a baby.