On my love for work and my love for Julia and how the two just don't get along...

Pre-Julia, I have always been about work. If I've told you several defining characteristics about me were my love for all things muppets, my karaoke style singing that's too pitchy and my need to be in the moment at all times - I lied to you. If I have to be honest to myself, work is what really defined me. Work always consumed me and I secretly had no problem with it-even after I got married. I think Carl always knew work came first for me. I love what I do and even more, I love the children and people I work with (no matter how much I may complain about them - the people, not the children!).

But since I had Julia, she has become major competition for this prior love affair I have for work and sometimes, if not most times, she wins...and I am just not used to that. Although I have grown to love my "family first" motto, it's hard to always adjust to it when having to work is something I must continue to do, financially and mentally. So most of the week, it's all about work but I anxiously look forward to weekends, holidays and vacations to spend time with Julia.

Unfortunately, this past Spring Break left me very sick which resulted in me being unable to spend time with Julia for 5 of the 7 days I had off. Boy, did I feel so gypped! And throughout the whole ordeal, I couldn't help but think about all the time I lost with her and will continue to lose with her. The night before returning back to work, I so desperately wanted to hand my resignation letter and say "Nope, it's Julia time for the next couple of years and tack on a few more for the next kid too - whenever that is!" I figured Carl would just have to accept the fact that I wouldn't be working any more once he realized checks were not coming in for me after 2 weeks or so. And finally, for once, all would be well and good and Julia would have a mommy again.

But of course, reality set in - our financial needs, my love and need for work, the fact that Carl would kick my ass....well that all reared it's ugly head in the morning and I went to work. I subsequently, forgotten all about my woes by the time my cup of coffee was emptied (except of course when I am up at 3 in the morning and blogging about it).....

So all in all, in the end, work still wins. I just hope Julia never sees it that way. :(